Understanding Why a Narcissist Chose You
People with narcissistic personality traits often gravitate towards individuals who can provide them with a constant source of "narcissistic supply"—admiration, attention, and validation. While this might initially feel like genuine affection, it's often a calculated choice based on a few key characteristics.
The Allure of Empathy
Narcissists are often drawn to highly empathetic people who are compassionate, caring, and see the good in others. They know these individuals are more likely to forgive their behavior and try to "fix" or "save" them.
Success and Status as a Reflection
A narcissist may choose a partner who is intelligent, attractive, popular, or successful because it boosts their own image and makes them look good by association.
The Vulnerability of Past Trauma
Individuals who have experienced past trauma or difficult childhoods may be more susceptible to a narcissist's "love-bombing" and manipulation. The narcissist may appear to be a hero who is fulfilling the person's needs, but their goal is to create dependency, not empowerment.
Poor Boundaries
People who struggle to set and maintain boundaries are a prime target. Narcissists have a sense of entitlement and will exploit someone who says "no" but then gives in when pushed.
A Forgiving Nature
A person who is quick to forgive and make excuses for bad behavior is highly appealing to a narcissist. They know they can act in hurtful ways and be easily absolved of blame.
Codependency
The dynamic between a narcissist and a codependent person is often described as a "dysfunctional dance." A codependent person tends to prioritize the needs of others over their own, which perfectly complements the narcissist's need to be constantly catered to and admired.
The Reason the Narcissist Chose Them
It's important to remember that having these traits does not mean you are weak or flawed. On the contrary, many of these qualities—like empathy, kindness, and loyalty—are admirable strengths. The narcissist exploits these positive traits for their own gain, which can make a person feel like their vulnerabilities were the reason they were targeted.
